The Essence of Self Esteem


BD2

SELF ESTEEM – THE MIRROR LIES

Flatline on the e-k-g. “We lost her?” said one doctor. “Confirmed” said the other. At this moment only one sound could be heard in the room. No chords, just one note. Two eyes closed, two pairs of motionless limbs. The sound lingered a while and was made to stop. Silence then prevailed. Teary eyes, faces of pity, and a mother feeling so guilty that she had been helpless with her daughter’s case. And how did this happen?

AN HOUR EARLIER…

Life is no fairytale. When you laugh, the world laughs with you but when you cry, you cry alone. The mirror spoke to her. “Look at yourself! Aren’t you ashamed? With that disfigured nose, you will land no magazine cover. Your body, imperfect and shapeless. How on earth can you decide to actually show yourself in public?! You’re not beautiful, no you’re not. You don’t deserve to feel good about yourself.”

Adina pulled out her drawers, throwing things out, searching for it. What was it? “It” was something that had become her best friend. “It” was a bad friend, in fact a dangerous one. But pain had now become a sort of pleasure for her. The marks made on her skin, which were now scars because time had passed, could have sent warning signals to anyone who had seen them. Unfortunately no one saw or noticed anything, thanks to the many long sleeved clothing that Adina owned. Not even her mother had noticed that something about her daughter was wrong.

Knife in hand, she slit her wrist. The pain was unbearable and blood gushed out. “My body deserves this” she kept saying to herself. Tears and blood mixed together on the floor. Her whole life had been a battle, one that she was slowly losing at that moment. This time wasn’t like the other times. She had cut deep into herself. A troubled mind had turned suicidal. For every pint of blood lost, a part of her life slowly drifted away.

She began to fall in and out of consciousness. The door opened and her mum saw her lying on the floor in a pool of blood. She screamed, “Adi-naaaaaa! Adi-naaaaaaa…What have you done to yourself?”  “Mummy, the battle is over. I lo-ve….”Adina mumbled without even completing her sentence. She was unconscious again. Her Mum rushed her to the hospital, where she was sent immediately to the emergency room. It was too late. The battle was finally over. Adina’s eyes had closed into a world of darkness.

37 thoughts on “The Essence of Self Esteem

  1. Wow…..you’re good. Brings me back memories. Déjà vu. More people need to care in this world, then we can have less of your story and more happy endings. Well written. And I’m not just saying this to be nice because I know you. I’m touched.

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  2. When I was your age I wrote a story about a man being executed. It was read in every class. One of my teachers told me that I was a good writer. But did I ever see an execution? I had no answer of course…. Keep writing.

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  3. Wow. That is powerful. People are so tormented by what they perceive others think of them. It is a shame that most can’t see that we all struggle and have internal battles. So as much as we hurt. Others are hurting as well. If we each focused on helping just a few people we might find we are in a better menal state

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  4. This is tragically, beautifully written. It touched me when I read this the other day. It’s a post that so many need to read. The daughter thinking there is no hope, and the mother who just couldn’t see that level of pain in her daughter. If only they could have read each other’s minds. If only they were comfortable to talk about anything…

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  5. Powerful imagery. Powerful message. May the Lord help us to be sensitive to the silent screams for help of those around us………Shalom!……..Kim

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